How many of you believe that honesty is the best policy? If your significant other lied to you, would you be able to forgive and forget? Or would the trust be lost all together?
it depends on the lie and the reasons behind it. I mean, if it's something that can be passed off as forgetfulness or something, thats hardly mistrust...
Oooh this is an old question. I personally believe that if it's a something that is going to affect the other person, regardless of what you do, then you should tell them. However, if keepng your trap shut means it wont affect them (assuming its in a bad way) then why cause trouble?
I tend to agree with stewe151, depends on the situation. I've been married 15 years and the amount of trust that is invested in the relationship is HUGE, but I still think that honesty is the best option, once the lying starts its gonna be hard to keep it up, you would probably end up lying more and more to cover up things you never thought would come up. Eventually you'll slip up and then your buried! A strong relationship, should be able to cope with minor stuff but all that said, if for example she had an affair I would never forgive her, and I would make her life hell, (I would expect no less from her, if I strayed) Blimey thats the biggest post I've made. Sorry if I went on.
I agree with everyone so far; trust is a big thing in a relationship, but if the other person would not benefit from being told the truth and there were no repercussions from not being told about it; where's the harm - provided that if they ask, they're told (i don't know if this makes sense to anyone else but me). I could forgive and forget little things; but if i was cheated on or something like that (and of course visa-versa) then i'd expect the cheater's life to be made hell. It probably wouldn't be the end of a relationship, but it certainly wouldn't be forgotten lightly - not as if i'd forgotten something simple. my $0.02
I disagree. I've recently been through absolute **** with my now ex-gf and I have to say that honesty is the most important thing. Because it's often so much harder to tell people the truth I respect people so much more when they do. Personally I try to never lie, and if I do to tell the person I have as soon as I can. That way whatever else happens at least people know I'm an honest person!
For me respect goes right along side with trust. How can you respect a person you cannot trust and vice versa. I have more respect for someone who is honest then I would have for someone who was trying to spare my feelings. For me, he is just saying that he didn't want to get caught and now that he has, he has no choice but to come clean. However, by this time, the trust and respect are damaged, maybe permanently.
One lie is enough to never ever trust that person again. Even if you say and think you forgive and forget that lie, you'll still remember the lie subconciously whenever she tells you something that could be false. Well, at least that's the case with my mind. If someone tells me a lie and I find out about it, and even if I forgive that person, I still look at that person with a bad feeling. My opinion.
Yeah, I'll go with that. But I think if the person lies and then owns up for no reason other than because it's the right thing to do then it's possible to trust them still.
In my opinion there is no good time to tell someone something bad - so just tell it, and secondly the only lies I can stand in a relationship are the lies that lead up to a surprise birthday party or present or something that is inherently good and harmless - everyone likes to be surprised once in a while. Honesty is THE MOST IMPORTANT ingredient in a relationship, without it one cannot establish trust. Yes trust is important, but you only develop it through honesty. I would forgive if they owned up to it, however it would be harder to forgive if I had found out on my own before they told me. Ive been down this road several times with Trio, honestly honesty is the only thing that I really and truly respect, its very hard to be honest.
This is exactly what happened. I found out on my own. Then I asked him if it was true and he said "yes". This is the part that I am having such a hard time with. Not what he did, but the fact that he hid it from me until I found out. Some say that it doesn't matter what the lie was about, a lie is a lie. For me, right now, it doesn't matter what he did, he lied directly to my face about it(I had previously asked him the same question a week earlier). Then when I found out the truth is when he owned up to it. He had ample time to tell me the truth, but he chose to lie. I am at a loss...
Haha, I could take offence at that, I didn't do anything, my ex-gf did. She slept with someone on holiday with her friends and I knew she had (I just had a really strong feeling) but when I asked she said she hadn't. Then she proceeded to "go on a break" because she "wanted to be single for a bit". I think asked her again and she said she had and I was obviously messed up. Then practically every night since she was going out with her mates and going with various people. Then I figure we were together for 3 years and people make mistakes so I ask if we can try again, but lo and behold she's decided she doesn't love me anymore and the fact that she wanted to be with me forever (which she'd said a few times before) was now null and void. And now she's screwing a guy at our college that also went to our school. Things are not good!
Ah right, don't worry about it As to how I handled the situation, to be honest I didn't and I still aren't doing now. I have the occasional good day when I feel better but generally I'm feeling worse every day. I've just been trying to talk to my friends and family about it all as much as possible, not that it really does any good other than short-term. I get depressed at the best of times so as you can probably imagine I don't cope well with things like this. At least I haven't killed myself over it
In my case it came down to "can I trust her?", and I gave her another chance. In the end were still together 5 years later, so honesty has worked for us... I mean id much rather her tell me she has a crush on this guy so I can go and get him drunk and take compromising pictures of him so I can blackmail him into never doing anything with her... just kidding. You have to decide, "do I want to spend the rest of my life with this slimeball?" "can I forgive him/her?" "do I want to put myself in the position for him/her to do the same thing to me again?" "if so, will they do it again?" Being in love makes you very vunerable, you put your heart out on your sleeve, and if you get the wrong person they can stomp all over it, if thats the case there are better people out there than them, go find one and stop brooding. Trying not to preach, or be to hard.
