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What would you do in this situation?

Discussion in 'General' started by Malvolio, 3 Jun 2004.

  1. Malvolio

    Malvolio .

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    Guh, I just can't seem to stop with the weirdness in my life.

    Anyway, I find myself in a curious situation. Last night one of my former girlfriends contacted me asking for my help. So I enquire as to what it was. Well, it seems that she knows a girl online who is in a very bad situation, mother father, everybody abusing her badly. She needs out of there asap, but is too afraid to ask for help from the proper authorities.

    Where I come in is by way of me living in the same city as her, and being able to accumulate the resources to help her out. But I'm stuck in a moral delema. Should I help this poor young woman (16!!) get out onto her own, or should I work with social services and try to get her into a foster home, or the third option, allow social services to just have their way with her, and risk having her cast out as another tragic statistic of wasted youth.

    I just don't know, I really want to help her, and do everything I can for her, but I'm afraid of what the legal reprecusions may be. Any advice in this situation?
     
  2. Dodge

    Dodge What's a Dremel?

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    You cant just take her away so to speek.

    Id speek to Social services see what say, and take if from there. Its a bit of an awkward situation isnt it...
     
  3. Murdoc

    Murdoc Gas Mask..ZOMG

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    You sure this girl is telling the truth, could be a load of BS.

    'doc
     
  4. Gedron

    Gedron What's a Dremel?

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    I would lean toward handing the situation over to social services. They are equipped, and mandated to handle the situation. Getting involved personally is a bad idea (IMHO).
     
  5. Dodge

    Dodge What's a Dremel?

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    Well said that man.

    I wouldnt try to get involved too much, also what mudoc sed, would she do this kind of thing as a prank. we dont know the girl were just speculating
     
  6. Malvolio

    Malvolio .

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    Well, she's covered with bruses, cuts, and scratches. She's very frail, and my ex has known her for about a year now. So she's either one hell of a faker, or telling the truth. But time will tell.


    The reasion she doesn't want social services to handle it though is simply because she doesn't want anybody to go to jail, or for her to end up on the street. She's been forced to drop out of school, and has been working for the past while, but she was just forced from her job. But she is willing to work, and pay her own way. I would be no more than a conduit for her to "escape" through.

    Right now she's alone at her mothers, scared ****less of her mother coming home, awaiting a rep from social services to size things up, and see if they will even do anything.
     
  7. TekMonkey

    TekMonkey I enjoy cheese.

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    Man...she should be in school for one thing. She should stay with a friend until social services can do something. Without a high school diploma she'll never be able to get much. If it hasn't already been done, make sure social services knows about this. I'm not sure how different it is in Canada, but in the US the gov won't just stand by and let these kids stay on the street (if they know about them, that is)
     
  8. RotoSequence

    RotoSequence Lazy Lurker

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    I dont see why you have to ask. Do what it takes to help this person out. If the parents are abusing her, the least you can do is contact social services. You could also try calling the cops. That would work too. Just do what it takes to right the wrongs. Simple as that.
     
  9. Nedsbeds

    Nedsbeds Badger, Slime, Weasel!!

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    This isn't meant to sound nasty or anything, but you are not going to do as good a job as the social services can. By this I mean you obviously have your own life and can't give the time to some random girl that you don't even know. (I know that sounds harsh but I mean it in the best possible way) The social services are paid to help and as such will be able to give her more time.
    Plus there is the simple fact that if you "take" a 16 year old girl away from her guardians yourself, whatever the circumstances you will be in big trouble. The best thing you can do is talk to her and convince her that she needs proper help.
     
  10. Malvolio

    Malvolio .

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    Well, see, here in lays my delema. I'm the closest thing she's got to a friend right now. And social services will know about it today, but I know from first hand experience that theres a strong possability they won't do anything (unless the kid is on it's death bed, they won't touch emm).

    For example, one of my sisters has two kids, both under 2. She abuses them, starves them, makes them sleep on their own deffication. I called in social services on her, and know what? 1 year latter she still has her kids, she's still doing drugs, she's still getting drunk every night, she's still living off welfare. Yeah, social services really did their job there.
     
  11. Murdoc

    Murdoc Gas Mask..ZOMG

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    Im confused, I thought it was the previous girlfriend that was her friend and you only just heard of her?

    You actually seen this girl?

    'doc
     
  12. jonesie

    jonesie What's a Dremel?

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    I assume he meant she doesn't get out much so him and his ex are the girl's only friendly contact.

    Mate, I reckon you should refer the case to social services. I know you're not happy with how it's gone with your sister but that might be the exception. Social services are overworked like any other public organisation but the point is they are trained in this. If you're still worried you could work with the social worker to gather evidence before they strike. If you or your ex could offer a safe house for a while i guess that might help, though it might not be wise for you guys to get too involved. How about ringing a support line on her behalf, or even persuading her to do so? they may help coordinate some kind of positive action against her parents. Either way, seek professional help, as they are trained.
     
  13. John Cena

    John Cena What's a Dremel?

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    Call Social Security Services and they will do an investigation on it. When the time comes to put her in a foster home, tell them you want to adopt them permenantly if you can. I would love to adopt her but I'm only 17 :clap:

    P.S. DO THIS QUICKLY as you can. I had a friend who sucided and her friends including me knew she was going too but thought she wasnt serious. :waah: :waah: :waah: :waah: :waah:
     
  14. fg0d

    fg0d Banned

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    Well, this may just be your dumb ex (no offence) playing a joke that she should burn for, or it can be serious. I'de say call SSS and let them check it ou without you being involved. And I doubt she will "suicide herself":))) because if she lived with it this long, she can live a while longer. but call SSS overall.
     
  15. malcs

    malcs oops! i put a hole in the ***** :(

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    in my opinion you should take her in, and give her shelter/food etc... but you should definately contact social services to tell them of the arrangement and that she did it of her own free will, or else her parents could say that you kidnapped her even though you didn't. Also, with anyone you dont know, just have common decencies around her, dont give her any excuse to suddenly turn around and say "he abused me" - in any way at all.

    just my 0.0002p :)
     
  16. Malvolio

    Malvolio .

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    Thanks for all your replys. Now for some answers:

    @Murdoc - jonesie is quite right, I've only known her for a bit, but I'm the closest she has to a friend irl right now. And yes, I've met her irl.

    @jonesie - social services has allready been contacted (as stated earlier), they are looking into it, I haven't heard any word from them or her yet though.

    @John Cena - I'm 18, and my father would need 3 more *******s just to be anal retentive, theres no way I can adopt her. And yes, I'm doing everything as quickly as possable.

    @fg0d - no, it isn't my ex playing a joke on me (her and I still have a thing, but both realise we can't be together due to religion - I don't have any)

    @malcs - if I had the ability to, she would of stayed at my place last night, but again, my father is rather an *******, to the point where he won't allow my current gf to sleep over, never mind a battered and abused teen whom I just met.



    I'm going to be doing some phoning arround right now, and trying to get back into contact with her. Will post back with updates later.
     
  17. John Cena

    John Cena What's a Dremel?

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    May I have her email adress? I would like to talk to her and give her a piece of advice
     
  18. Malvolio

    Malvolio .

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    No, she isn't comfortable with that, she suggested I act as a conduit for any communication. Sorry. :S
     
  19. modz-a-lot

    modz-a-lot What's a Dremel?

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    good luck with this situation. i really hope that things turn out ok. you mentioned that social services hasnt done a good job in the past. if they dont do anything, and dont have a good reason for not taking action, there's only one thing you can really do. get the press involved. then there will be pressure on the agency to do the right thing.
     
  20. AceGoober

    AceGoober What's a Dremel?

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    Me, I am the type of person that cannot stand back and see another human being abused as you have detailed. The first method is to go the social services route. If they seem like they are blowing smoke up her (and your) keister, then contact the local police. If they do not do anything about it, then, it will be your choice to decide how much further you want to get involved.

    If you are over 18 (which I assume you are), I would highly suggest not having a minor stay at your place. Too many times I have seen my friends get involved with a person such as her and realizing too late that it is the individual they are trying to help that is now becoming their problem because that person was the instigator to begin with. See if there is a local Abuse Shelter in her area that she can go to to seek help. Not too much more you really can do than that without becoming too involved and possibly bring the parents and or their friends/relatives into your world and making your life a living hell.

    Good luck with whatever choice you make in this situation.
     

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