Why does micheal jackson spread dairylea all over his knob?? 'Coz kids will do anything for dairylea ( gotta be british and remember adverts from +5 years ago to get that one ) - M@
duck walks into a pharmacy and get's a condom and takes it to the cashier, and the cashier says "you want me to put it on your bill?" and the duck replies "WHAT KIND OF DUCK DO YOU TAKE ME FOR?!"
Q: What is the difference between Christopher Reeves and O.J. Simpson? A: Christopher Reeves got the electric chair, and O.J. walked. -what's the diiference between a russian whore and a pizza? -it's possible to order a pizza without mushrooms lol this ones the best.... Why did the little girl fall off the swing? She had no arms What did the lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire? "see you next month"
Q: what does micheal jackson have behind his mansion? A: an abusement park oh, the old ones keep coming back round
damn you! i have back problems and i just threw my back out laughing at that one!i'm now laying on the ground on my back typing. sory fr n e misteakes
A man walks up to a Baptist church representative after the sermon and says, "I need to see that hog of a preacher you guys have speak here.". The baptist rep, shocked, replies, "I don't appreciate you calling our preacher a 'hog' sir." The man opens his wallet and gets $5,000, "Well I just wanted to personally give him this donation." The baptist rep eyes widen as she turns her head to look over her shoulder, "Ohh look, here comes old porky now!". Woman calls up her Catholic church and ask the Father to speak at her dogs funeral. The Father, confused, says "I don't think it's proper for me to speak at a dog's funeral, ma'am." The woman then offers $5000 dollars for the deed to which the Father replies, "Why didn't you tell me your dog was Catholic?". Johhny has been a devout Christian his entire life and when he finnaly dies, he goes up to heaven and God says to him, "Johnny, you have lived such a great life - I am going to grant you any wish you want." Johnny thinks and thinks - finnaly he figures out what he wants. "God, I want you to build a road from earth to heaven so my family can all come up here." God immediatly shakes his head, "Cant' be done Johnny, that is absolutely impossible." Discouraged, Johnny thinks some more and has a second idea, "Well God, as great as my life on earth was and as wonderful as my wife was, I never figured out what she wanted. I want to know what women really want." God just stands there... "How many lanes did you want on that road, Johnny?"
http://www.zug.com/pranks/olestra/ warning: this is a graphic description of one man (and to a lesser extent: his wife) eating nothing but olestra soaked chips. Ole!
now that wasn't funny.. or at least during lunch break it isn't. but at least I know not to buy any lays Max chips
duck: duck walks in2 a bar and goes 21 the bartender, got bread? bartender: no mate we got no bread, duck: duck walks away and come back a few minutes l8r and asks, got bread? bartender: no mate i already told we got no bread. duck: duck walks away and comes back again, got bread? bartender: listen mate, i already ****in told ya we aint got no bread, u ask again and im gonna nail ya beak 2 the bar. duck: duck thinks for a moment, got nails? bartender: no duck: got bread? _________________________________________________________________ during bad weather a helicopter pilot gets lost in fog and cannot find the airport, he circles a building and writes a note "where aam i" to get his bearings, getting the idea the ppl in the building write back sayin "ur in a helicopter" seeing this the pilot gives them a thumbs-up and flies straight 2 the airport. after landing 1 of the passengers askd how he figured out where they where with that information. the puilot replies while the information was technically correct it was totally useless, so i knew it was the microsoft building. i got more but there long ass jokes
Have you heard about Jeremy Beadle's penis? One one hand its quite big....but on the other hand its not. *n
What is red and black and bangs on your window? -A baby in a microwave Whats the difference between a truckload of sand and a truckload of babies? -You can't pitchfork a truckload of sand Whats 16" long, hard and pink with a purple head and makes women scream in the morning? -Cot death How many straight edgers does it take to drink a case of beer? -One...As long as there are no others around Whats the height of pain? -A one-armed man hanging off a cliff with itchy balls Whats the definition of a drawing pin? -A smartie with a hard-on *n
heres some more jokes courtesy of...well...me an artist, a laywer and a computer scientist r discussing the merits of a mistress, the artist tells of the passion and the thrill of risk of being discovered,the lawyer warns of the difficulties, it leads 2 guilt, devorce and bunkruptcy not worth it 2 many problems. the computer scientist says its the best thing thats ever happened 2 me, my wife thinks im with me mistress, the mistress thinks im with the wife and i can spend all night on the computer. young suzi is having some PC probs so she calls wes the computer guy over to her desk, wes clicks a few buttons and solves the problem as he is walking away she asks him, so wat was the problem he replies, "it was an ID ten T error" suzi get a puzzles expression on her face. an "ID ten T error" wat is that incase i need 2 fix it again? he grins "uv never seen an ID ten T error b4?" she replies no write it down, i think ull work it out so go on guys work it out and post the answer
A Blonde Goes to the Library Once a blonde went to the library to get a book. A few days later, she returns and says to librarian at the counter, "This book was very boring. It had too many characters and too many numbers, so i would like to return it." The librarian says to the other librarian, "So here is the person who took our phone book!"
Jokes On You, Teacher One day when the teacher walked to the black board, she noticed someone had written the word 'penis' in tiny small letters. She turned around, scanned the class looking for the guilty face. Finding none, she quickly erased it, and began her class. The next day she went into the room and she saw, in larger letters, the word 'penis' again on the black board. Again, she looked around in vain for the culprit, but found none, so she proceeded with the day's lesson. Every morning, for about a week, she went into the classroom and found the same word written on the board, and each day it was written in larger letters. Finally, one day, she walked in, expecting to be greeted by the same word on the board, but instead, found the words, "The more you rub it, the bigger it gets!"
