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Intelligent, perpetual loner looking for a place in the world

Discussion in 'Serious' started by okenobi, 26 Feb 2013.

  1. okenobi

    okenobi What's a Dremel?

    3 Nov 2009
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    I realise that the title of this thread reads something like a personal ad, but it was the most accurate description I could think of for what I need to write about. I could go on forever, and if you need/want more info, I'm certainly happy to supply it. But for now I'll summarize my situation like this:

    1) £5000 in debt
    2) Living in Italian Alps with Danish friend (girl) scraping a living as a freelance ski/snowboard photographer.
    3) That finishes in 6 weeks ish.
    4) No plan for after that.
    5) Don't really wanna return to the UK, but need to clear the debt.
    6) Cornish, so job prospects are shash.
    7) My Danish friend is loaded and living together has made me realise that although we're really close, we see things totally differently and want different things.
    8) I have no education and every job I've ever had (I've worked 11 jobs over 12/13 years) I've got by blagging it. I've worked in sales, telecomms, tourism, banking & overseas.

    Basically, I'm always on the outside looking in. I feel like a mild case of Dr. House, or Sherlock Holmes. People who see everything, know how people work and are intelligent, but struggle to actually make friends or have normal relationships themselves. I'm not as intelligent as those guys, or as socially inept. But definitely in that sort of area.

    Just wondering if anybody else has experienced this, and/or suggestions for what I could be doing to try to change it. I keep starting a new job/experience/relationship thinking it'll be different from all the other times and whilst it usually is for a while, over time the same old patterns return and I realise that the same stuff is happening with just a slight variation on a theme.

    Random one, I know. Thoughts?
  2. Shirty

    Shirty W*nker! Super Moderator

    18 Apr 1982
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    I don't really have any answers for you, suffice to say that you just described a surprisingly sizeable chunk of the population.
  3. Nexxo

    Nexxo * Prefab Sprout – The King of Rock 'n' Roll

    23 Oct 2001
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    Another thought for the day: If you always do what you always did, you'll always get what you always got.

    List your assets: you have a diverse CV; a close friendship with a nice Danish girl, only £5000,-- debt. You have no qualifications? Get some: what do you want to do in life? Find a career/occupation and you find a purpose/direction, income, place in the world to call your own. From there it's a short step to relationship. If you can form a close friendship with a girl, you can form an intimate relationship with a girl. Or boy; whichever way you swing.

    Of course it's more complex than that, but at the same time it's as simple as that.

    BTW Sherlock Holmes and House are assholes. Brilliant assholes, but assholes nonetheless. Don't make them your role model.
  4. Cthippo

    Cthippo Can't mod my way out of a paper bag

    7 Aug 2005
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    Brilliant, drug-addicted assholes at that. I would also argue that neither of them, despite being fictional heros, are happy in their lives. You certainly have the opportunity to do better.
  5. TheCherub

    TheCherub Minimodder

    16 Sep 2007
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    Well you're certainly not someone whom I'd classify as socially inept, that's for sure. In fact I'd say quite the opposite, you're very personable and generally easy going (unless you're trying to get advice on a significant purchase ;) ).

    Oh, and get your arse on Facebook, I've an idea to talk to you about that may help with the other bits as well.
  6. benji2412

    benji2412 <insert message here>

    25 Apr 2009
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    1) It's honestly not that much, unless it's with a loan shark
    2) + 3) + 4) What sort of job would you enjoy?
    5) That's fair enough, but you're free to leave at any time once it's cleared.
    6) Move back to anywhere in the UK, jobs are all over the place. If you've moved out of the UK I'm sure you won't mind renting somewhere random for a job to pay off your debt.
    7) So you were together at some point then?
    8) Lots of experience, you should be using this to your advantage. You'll have a lot of transferable skills, not to mention a lot of experience dealing with people. I'd have thought you'd be able to blag another job. That or your selling yourself short by saying you blagged them in the first place, someone must've seen something in you to hire you in the first place.

    If you think you're intellegent, work out a way to solve your problems. It doesn't help to mope about, create a 2 year plan that involves paying that debt off, getting some qualifications and emigrating from the UK to a nice country + job. It'll give you something to aim for and hopefully boost your morale and productivity.

    Life is what you make of it, you only get one try so enjoy it whilst you can. There's happiness in most places if you look for it, no matter how small.

    Good luck :)
  7. okenobi

    okenobi What's a Dremel?

    3 Nov 2009
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    Thanks for the suggestions.

    7) No we're just really close. That's part of my pattern. Although, some of the previous examples I was actually "with" at points.

    I'm not aspiring to be House or Sherlock, it's just that I recognise some of myself in them.

    Apparently this requires some more strategic thought...
  8. Digi

    Digi The not-so-funny Cockney

    23 Nov 2009
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    Move to Denmark? Sounds like you identify with most of the population here. Get an education first and you can have a very, very high standard of living in a very free society. There is a place for everyone to fit in here and none are frowned upon.

    Saying that, I have no education and still made it here, so it is possible.
  9. Retro~Burn

    Retro~Burn Electronically Debauched Fiend

    11 Sep 2009
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    Some good advice here :).

    Nexxo don't be modest, you are soul ;). (joke)

    Going back on point. okenobi, do you feel that you tend to be the Clark Kent and end up in the Phantom Zone (aka 'friend zone')?

    It seems you just haven't found that thing which stimulates to want to make you stick with it. The good thing is if you've travelled, you've gone abroad and worked various places. That's risky and commendable. Now's the time to be a bit introspective and examine yourself, what do you really want to do? Are there things you've considered but put off pursuing as you feel it's unattainable? I know it would take money but have you considered eventually moving to the States? The accent's an aphrodisiac over there :p.

    Just to add, I would do what TheCherub suggested and network as much as possible. Get on places like LinkedIn (aka LegRubZ®) and Facebook. Touching base here with people is a good start. Perhaps you could try a CISCO (clickable) course?
    Last edited: 15 May 2013

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