Rant Razor wire

still, putting up that pic through the neighbourhood would give you the satisfaction you want.

Dont put up any real traps btw, you'll have a hard time explaining to the lady across the street why her 6-year old son is missing a leg. Somehow i doubt she'll be really sympathetic to your "he shouldn't have been there in the first place" comment.

And lolcats about the shotgun comment. I'd guess that you were well capable of hurting the guy badly regardless of the availability of shotguns.
Perhaps a howitzer could help? It has better range then a shotgun!

 

do that and you the one who gets the police at the door and a court summons not the crim

 

even a guard dog sign can be enough of a deterant for some people

 

I love you.
If only it were real.

 

Get off, he's mine!

 

You need a sturdy wall at just the right height to vault over quickly, then a nice deep trench on the other side (sorry, "flood drainage channel") lined with concrete / something solid. When the little *******s break their leg they won't be able to climb back out again.

 

This is sadenningly true. Putting aside for a moment my childish ideas and dreams of how to teach the assholes a lesson or two, the law is surprisingly caring and considerate for criminal scum.

A friend of mine at school had her car pretty much completely trashed. She parked it in a space right next to a petrol station, and came to find it scratched to bits, with wingmirrors snapped off, and each of the windows smashed. The two guys who did it were caught on CCTV from the petrol station. The police let her know about this, and then told her in the very next breath it can't be used as the cameras are only to account for the property of the garage, not the street.

After appealing this fact, and threatening legal action against the constabulary, they admitted the tape could be used as evidence. However - the guys that did it were classmates of hers. As such, the police refused to let her or anyone else at the school view the tape. When she asked why, and what use it is, they said "Well - you will probably know them. As such, we need to protect them, as it's likely you'll take the law into your own hands".

She ended up in a situation where the police had aquired evidence of who had criminally damaged her car, but wouldn't use it, literally because this way they might get into trouble.

 

Properly trained guard dog is probly the best way to secure your property, don't think too many chavs would stick around if they broke in to find themselves face to face with a snarling german shepherd.

 

Personally, I'd never let chavs anywhere near my animals - Guard dog or otherwise.

We have a rabbit, at my girlfriends house. It's a big place - huge garden, and it's tucked away in the far corner. One morning we found it COVERED in blue dulux matt emulsion. It sounds funny, but it's really intensely saddening. Some boring moron with nothing better to do than copulate with his own family members obviously decided in the night it would be a brilliant idea to trespass in someone elses garden, and throw paint at a defenseless animal.

Sad thing is, it's a really very nice upmarket area - Everyone around is so friendly and lovely - so it just goes to show the scourge of chavviness spreads just about everywhere.


Anyway - how about this for defending the home. Drawing on my above experience - why not go and get some bright luminous pink paint from B&Q, and a supersoaker...

Next time you see the little scrote, just cover him in pink paint. All over his nice expensive burberry rubbish. If anyone asks, claim you were trying to produce a contemporary piece of abstract art, and when he got in the way, he ruined your masterpiece, so you'd like him to pay compensation...

 

poisonous plants. everything else will end up in court, your plants however are stationary and have been there for years

 

wild rose trees..... the ones with big thorns and that climb walls....

you could also plant these:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rubus
expecialy the thorned ones.... they give you food, they are nice to the sight and have very very painful thorns....

 

Or get yourself some Henry Krank Alarm Mines. Tripwire attached to a blank-fire mine. I've seen other types that use shotgun blanks, but they're essentially all the same. Don't know how well these stand up to weather though.

http://www.arniesairsoft.co.uk/reviewpost/showproduct.php/product/178

Otherwise I’d go with the more sensible solutions mentioned here. Axle grease, light with motion sensor and a camera with a small warning on you garden gate.


Ninja Edit:

Have a look at these pages from the Metropolitan Police Service.

http://www.met.police.uk/crimeprevention/garden2.htm

It'll clog the Supersoaker. You'd be better off using a dyeing agent.

 

When we used to live near a prison, we had the whole of the back wall filled with broken glass (it was legal tbh), and below the wall was another patch of broken glass.

Paintball Gun is also a good idea from above.

 

Panel fence, topped with barbed wire, then use the barbed wire as a frame for a climbing rose (or anything equally thorny). Any1 wanting to climb over that is gonna have a lot of pain and you don't need signs etc for it. Iron gate (try and get 1 that would be difficult to climb) topped with vandal grease.

 

A paintball gun might get the local police "Armed Response Team" shouting at you from behind their car.

Some less litigious solutions:-

• Skunk breeding for fun & profit?
• That loose paving slab immediately inside your gate would make the perfect cover for the new cesspit you've been considering?
• Connecting a garden sprinkler system to a PIR & a tank of liquid manure dosed with luminous dye?

 

get loads of guns, go to your local army depot, obviously having to kill all the guards etc. to get in, nick a tank and go on a rampage around your area.

... what? I did it on GTA, I'm young, I can't decipher between games and real life.
Oh yeah, the government aren't right on that and aren't right on the rules of protecting your property. Do as you please, guard dog is a **** idea unless you actually want a dog, remember, guard dogs are pets too.

 

I like the idea of the fence with trellis on top from the Met site. You have your normal fence/wall, with a bit of trellis on top (so the scum have something to hold on to while they are climbing) and when a section of it is pulled something happens like a paint grenade, a big knife sticking out etc...
Edit: for some reason, your fence must comply with the 1980 Highways act. Dunno why it is a highways act.

 

Nit picking here, sorry, as has been proved the signs must be fully visible to any person crossing the boundary for whatever reason at all times. We've lost hundreds of thousands of plant and materials that razor wire would have stopped. But the risk of legal action because some little git get caught up in it out weighs the cost of what's gone astray. The insurers are more than happy to keep forking over the cash but they had a fit when the razor wire was suggested.

 

What about hammering sharpened nails into the top? "It's just how it was made, 'onest officer".

Fun fact: most rely on pressure and a curled up piece of rubber flopping around. IIRC, Enola Gaye 'Pineapple' 'nades have a small explosive charge instead.