Rant Razor wire

you could get some steel wire and string it up in a loose grid a about 3 feet off the ground. Make sure the wires are spaced apart enough that if you land on it, your leg is going through, but narrow enough that it won't come back out easily. And make the wires just the right thickness so that they won't snap under the weight of a person, but will be painful to sit on.

Then just plant some vines on it, because it's a mesh to help you grow decorative vines.

 

thank you for the awesome mental picture Cheapskate... lol

i can imagine an emergency call:
"hi, i have someone impaled on a spike in my back yard cause they tried to rob me. its stuck up their butt. please send emergency vehicles, and a camera crew"
*operator starts laughing*

 

Dig a 'drainage trench' on the inside of the fence line and line it with jagged rocks as a way of decorating it, they fall a few feet further than expected and land on jagged rocks sticking up.

 

Why bother the emergency crews in the middle of the night? In a situaton like this you call the police first. You let them take 20 minutes to get there, have a laugh, then THEY call the fire department and ambulance. 40 minutes later popsicle-boy will be near death. Your county used to deter criminals by putting the executed up for display on a spike.
I think a few dead chavs would make nice decorations. They wouldn't smell much more than normal.

 

I propose you rig a Indiana Jones style boulder to roll after him. Then tape the carnage for posterity!

 

On a slightly more realistic note, I would suggest you build a normal-looking fence that one can't see through or over, and then plant a holly hedge just inside it. Make the hedge thick enough that anyone vaulting the fence is going to land right in the middle of it, like a very spiky trampoline.

And then get a big dog. Give the chav a choice - holes poked in him by thorns or holes poked in him by dog teeth.

 

Yeah but the dog holes can be sued over.

 

even if you put a sign in plain sight in the far right corner where almost nobody would look?

 

i lol at this thread!
cant you just have some automatic tear gas dispensers on top of all the other stuff that was suggested! it would be like arggh! my ass! i cant move! arghh! OMg, i cant breath! Cough! cough! Arghh!

 

Electric fence... get a electric fence for cattle, just use it at your house.

 

easy

break glass bottles, embed within concrete upon top of wall
1. looks nice and arty, what with the light shining through the glass
2. ever seen what that stuff does to your hands?

 

3. illegal by UK law

 

prove it

as long as i indicate a warning that i have glass on the top of my wall it's all gravy

 

Or just do what one guy did that I saw on the news build a 16ft deep fishing pond in your back yard no chav likes getting wet and trying to get your tv out without it getting wet is erm a tad hard.

 

why not use electrified wire? like they use for cows.
it is cheap, non deadly (but really painfull), and as far i know legal...everywhere.
string it along the top of the fence, and you are good to go.

 

if its any helpl I know someone who put glass alone the side of their stone wall, like broken shards. I certainly wouldnt want to climb over it.

 

LMAO!!

"I am not a number, I'm a thieving peasant!!"

 

If you electrify the razor wire...
But seriously, an uneven landing area will mess them up.
Another Idea would be to have a tainted bottle of whiskey in your shed. Get them out of the gene pool entirely.

 

anything which can be deemed offensive will be bad for your defence in court.

seriously, poisonous plants are the only way forward without legal loopholes.

 

Fixed