If someone acknowledges what their problem is and yet doesn't choose to change, there is no helping them either.
Peados don't think have a problem (words of Nexxo), and if they had it their way, they would have a 7 year old in their bed every night, the only thing stopping them is law, yet they can somehow be changed (yeah right). Not much difference imo.
As a friend there is nothing that you could do - in the same way that a friend could not help a paedophile or a murderer, so in this case there is nothing that m0o0oeh can do but move on. Only as an authority (police, prison, doctors, counsellors) is there something that can be done to help. And don't compare a paedophile to an alcoholic, you're saying that there should be not much difference in how we treat paedophiles and alcoholics
Did I say that? No, do you understand how comparing works? No. I can compare a Red Ferarri to Postman Pats Van to blood from a cut, what do they have in common? They are Red. When you compare things, they don't have to be the same in everything, I compared them for obvious reasons, maybe something to do with having a mental problem?... I can compare a Human to a Cow and compare a Cow to a Bird, how? They all have flesh. Peados should have their dicks cut off and shoved up their own ass, Alcoholics just need a slap.
lol major- the thread went to pedos I had a buddy who would get totally different when drunk.. was awhile back in my early 20's- but we always made sure he got home end of the night.. it's just something you do for close friends- he ended up in rehab eventually for cocaine.. but as you get older you see not everything is so black and white those addictions you had when you were younger will usually drop away.. if not your probably in alot of trouble.. you just gotta imagine if everyone turned their back on you when you needed them most.. you would be quite bitter wouldn't you.. maybe even do something drastic? there's nothing wrong with sticking by a bud- I dunno peeps who walk away aren't really friends imo- just my opinion!
Here you are suggesting how we should treat paedophiles if we treat alcoholics as Nexxo, Krikkit and Scirocco suggest Here you are saying there is not much difference (implied as not much difference in treatment, in reference to the above)
On the flip side, a friend shouldn't put friends through this kind of **** all the time and expect them to pick up the pieces. This is an over generalisation and not true, yeah there might be a lot of peados who don't think they have a problem, but then there are a lot of them who do think they do, especially with the amount of social stigma they've been given. Now I'm not saying peadophiles are nice, but I wish people could see through the propoganda tabloids have been spouting that they're all evil baby rapers who lure children back to their BDSM lairs.
I don't know him, and I'm no professional, but honestly? Sounds like he will never change on his own. The mother of his kids sounds weird enough as it is - Why is cheating an acceptable quirk when they have the responsibility to raise kids? She sounds as dangerous for his habit and decisions as he does. If you're really invested in helping him kick the habit, or at least clean some **** up, I'd start with her. She seems to be one of his only constants, aside from a drink, and her taking a harder line with his drinking and cheating might give him a bit of a kick in the right direction.
Then don't act like one. In my previous posts where the treatment of paedophiles or murderers came up, I have always quite clearly stated that their treatment is effective only in those that are motivated to change. Same with alcoholics or any behavioural problem. If it is not experienced as a problem then there is no reason for them to change. Even if it is seen as a problem that may not be sufficient motivation in itself. People need to perceive a direct connection between what they do and the problems that result, and need to understand how changing their behaviour changes the outcome. They then need to perceive the pay-off for change to be significantly bigger than the pay-off for sticking with the same behaviour. Given your own personal history with weight change I thought you would have a bit more insight.
@Veles, I hope that's what would happen too. @Major - There's a huge, gaping void between paedophilia, or murder, and alcoholism. The latter is often seen as "someone enjoying a drink" Obviously there are those who would take it to excess, and either turn into alcoholics, or are at the very least borderline alcoholics, to people who get bladdered at the weekend, every weekend just for going out and having fun. To them the alcohol is an addition to enjoying their night. So whilst I am concerned by what Nexxo has said, I can also understand where he may be coming from. Addictions of any type, need to be treated for the patient to have the best chance of conquering their addiction. These decisions however, normally have to be made by the individual, to have the maximum effect. However, if it is deemed to be in the best interest of the patient to be taken into rehabilitation then there is nothing they can do IIRC. Russell Brand is a prime example, OK he wasn't an alcoholic, be he had a drugs addiction, and he was treated for sex addiction. He did not choose to go to either of these rehab facilities, but his management told him he was going and that was that. What I'm trying to say, murder and paedophilia are crimes, and you can be held accountable. Alcoholism, IIRC is not a crime, so alcoholics simply carry on drinking. Granted paedophiles and murderers still do what they do, but they essentially have a suspended sentence hanging over them. With alcoholism, there is nothing like this. Murderers and paedophiles have it in their best interests to try and resolve their issues because of the constant threat of legal action, alcoholics have no reason to try and change their ways. So I can see exactly where Nexxo is coming from. Sorry Major, but I'm with Nexxo on this one.
Intervention - If you and your mates are concerned about his well being, you should sit down and have a talk with him. Listen to his problems, try and help him. From what your saying it seems that alcohol is his outlet, his chance to release and forget about his issues. Thats all good in the short term, but long term, can lead to liver failure, his partner leaving and taking the kids. It's his life, but friends and family should be the ones to see if they can help him through the rough times and not a doctor telling him he has x years to live.
Well you can be charged for things like being drunk and disorderly, but yeah, it's generally considered acceptable by society, hell, drinking is almost forced upon people
hi long term reader, first time poster, i dont ususally venture into the serious bit but i thought i'd wade into this discussion. Just off the bat my views dont represent those of alcoholics anonymous or anything else they are my own, i'm a recovering alcoholic and i work with others who have this affliction. a lot of people in this thread have already offered good advice, confront your friend be honest about your feelings about their drinking, and set up boundries, for example that you wont meet them if they have been drinking or that you will leave if they start. i would also say that your friends wife is enabling him, and would suggest that she go to an al-anon or coda meeting to see if she could relate to anyone. the most loving thing my familly and friends did for me during my drinking and using was to leave me and when i had had enough pain i was offered the choice of death or recovery, the sad truth is we are a stubborn bunch and we have to sink to the lowest we can go before asking for help can be considered. There is very little you can actually do, but your love for your friend is comendable. i have my opinions on other things mentioned in this thread (as in the paedophilia and murder) but i will keep them to myself, as this is a thread about a specific person with a specific problem.
May I add that between pedophilia, murder, and alcoholism, only one of them is socially acceptable unless done in excess? When you go out with friends to a bar, you're just having a good time and adhering to a social norm (generalization, but bear with me). If you get completely blotto and something stupid comes of it, it may just be a story your friends rib you about to no end. But you don't go around diddling little boys on the weekend or "just" stabbing someone. Those are crimes, with immediate and (preferably) severe consequences attached to them. Alcoholism is something else entirely. You're not going to have the cops kick down your door for being an alcoholic, instead it will be for the things you may do while under the influence. Even without the criminal aspect of it, you can still ruin your life with this addiction (it is) and take those attached to you, either emotionally or monetarily, along for the ride. :huff::huff: /rant
Yes, although in (very, very reductionist) principle they could all be regarded as behavioural problems. But at least an alcoholic does not set out to hurt anybody, even if invariably they do. Russell Brand could still have refused. The reason he did not is because it would have cost him his job --there's his motivation for you. Let me reiterate: nobody can force an alcoholic to do anything. It would not work anyway; at some point the person has to take responsibility for themselves and their own actions. All you can do is not collude with their behaviour, let them experience the consequences in full and hope that a healthy sense of self-preservation prevails. It doesn't always. The main difference is that murder and paedophilia are a crime: society does not tolerate or collude with it. Whereas alcohol abuse is tolerated, normalised and in some cultures even glorified. ^^^ Good stuff here.
They may be another way to cut down his drinking, well to cut down his drinking in public that is. The pubs in the area I live in are all members of something called Pub Watch. Basically the way it works, as far as I know is that if you're banned from one of them you're banned from all of them. See if your local pubs are members of something similiar. Get him bladdered in one of them and then talk him into doing something he gets banned for. He will no longer be able to go to the pubs so his drinking may slow down.
