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Other Managing anger, frustration, and general composure

Discussion in 'General' started by Matticus, 17 Feb 2018.

  1. Matticus

    Matticus ...

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    Bit of an odd one this but not really sure who else to 'talk' to without sounding like a melon! I imagine I would get the usual "just chill out" responses from people I know personally.

    I have noticed that for the past 3-4 years that the way I deal with situations has become progressively more angry - usually short lived then I regret getting angry and apologise if appropriate.

    For example - A client annoys me at work, I sit there stewing, swearing, and moaning and generally probably not very nice to be around (probably) for all of 2 minutes, or however long it takes to resolve the issue. I would never let the client know I'm annoyed, but definitely my bosses and colleagues. I just go straight to 100 before I have fully accessed the situation.

    I (very lightly) scuffed my new laptop a few weeks ago and just lost it, I was screaming bloody murder; giving it the whole "what's the point buying nice things if they just get f****d up", "I work hard just to get all everything ruined"... Mostly nonsensical ramblings just to 'release'.

    I'm generally not angry at anyone, just the situation, or probably myself. I wouldn't say I'm angry for no reason, but my response is definitely exaggerated and not appropriate.

    I try to think before I speak but the problem is in the moment my mind is very much on the side of my mouth, it is angry!

    I'm not an angry person, and I'm generally pretty relaxed about most situations, apart from a little bit overly concerned about missing trains and planes etc.

    I guess apart from just spilling my guts, my question is, have any of you guys felt the same way and found a way of dealing with it?

    Edit: forgot to add - I'm turning 30 this year, am I just turning into a grumpy old man prematurely?
     
    Last edited: 17 Feb 2018
  2. Archtronics

    Archtronics Well-Known Member

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    Yes I was exactly the same for a few years, but I gradually started to calm down and mellow out, now It takes a lot to make me angry and I notice as its happening and can stop it.

    How old are you out of interest?
     
  3. bawjaws

    bawjaws Well-Known Member

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    If you haven't already, take up some sort of sport or other physical exercise and use that as a release for all that pent-up aggression :)
     
  4. Matticus

    Matticus ...

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    Just added a sneaky edit - I'm 30 this year.

    Did anything happen to calm you down, new job, hobby, partner etc?

    At the moment my number one suspect is work getting me down, I've been there a long time and perhaps I'm too comfortable which is enabling me to get angry if that makes sense.
     
  5. Matticus

    Matticus ...

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    I go to the gym 5 times a week and even after the worst day of work my mood is elevated within 5-10 minutes of walking through the gym doors! It's like magic!

    It definitely helps with my base level mood as I'm particularly down if I can't go to the gym for whatever reason, be it "real life" or an injury.
     
  6. Kronos

    Kronos Well-Known Member

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    I have been pretty much like this all my life and I am in my 60's now. It has proved a nuisance as it certainly affected my ability to think clearly so invariably I made things worse.
     
  7. adidan

    adidan Avatar now in stock for xmas 2019

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    Gaming helps me.

    As does my cat. Very therapeutic. Except when she sticks her purring face right in my ear to wake me up.
     
  8. Dave Lister

    Dave Lister Member

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    Prozac helps me cope with work stress fairly well and yes I know you should always try and steer clear of medication but sometimes there is no alternative.
     
  9. [ZiiP] NaloaC

    [ZiiP] NaloaC Well-Known Member

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    I am generally very calm and collected, never letting things get to me (or at least maintain composure for unhealthily long periods of time).
    However, I find that I just bottle it up and then it either gets unleashed or I stew and let it simmer away over time. If I let it simmer, I get 1-2 day bouts of depression.

    So, for me it's case of doing some heavier-than-normal manual graft on the farm here at home, or splitting timber for firewood.

    For me, I find that splitting timber is the most relaxing thing for me. It's destructively constructive so to speak. I get a stack of large trunk pieces and have at it with added gusto with my Fiskars X27 and after an hour or two my energy is spent, I have a large pile of firewood and my stress is all worked out.

    It's hardly an approach that is practical for everyone, but since you get good release from the gym, if you have the opportunity to split timber by had: do so.

    P.s - Don't skimp on the axe, buy a good one.
     
  10. VipersGratitude

    VipersGratitude Well-Known Member

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    Just try to remember that it looks like the universe will end in heat death, when entropy overcomes the fundamental forces that make our reality what it is but you, and everyone you know, will die long before that which removes all meaning anyway. A little touch of nihilism will add perspective, and remove the anger, from petty situations. It may also rob you of motivation to do anything, so yeah, be careful with this advice. In fact, forget I said it. Maybe just go get ice cream instead.
     
  11. Archtronics

    Archtronics Well-Known Member

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    Tough to call, possibly down to forcing myself to wake up a few hours earlier and get into a morning routine seems to ground me out for the day.

    A change in job probably would reduce your anger but I find that only really works for 3-6 months, maybe look at the root cause why work is making you angry.
    Is it that your too comfortable or are you annoyed/angry about progression within your career?
     
  12. mrlongbeard

    mrlongbeard Well-Known Member

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    I used to be an angry mofo, still am but to a lesser degree now.

    But **** needs to have gotten way out of hand before I blow my top, when I blow nowadays I just walk away, find a plasterboard wall and put my fist through it.
    @44 I'm learning that **** happens and you need to let it wash over you, there's more important things that require the brains processing power.
     
  13. The_Crapman

    The_Crapman Don't phone it's just for fun.

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    Yeh boredom and frustration at work and other things can very much be a trigger of this. I find when work's getting to me I get angry a lot more and things get broken. Broke my table tennis bat last week, I'd had it 18years!:waah:

    Try and find someone you can talk to to vent your frustrations, I don't mean a shrink, just go the pub with someone you know will listen, get pissed and put the world to rights.
     
  14. M_D_K

    M_D_K Active Member

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    I can relate to everyone in this thread but havn't seen any advise if there is any to give as to how to deal with the situation as it arises, I got angry the other day at work it was a mixture of all the things that annoy the hell out of me, people hovering over me waiting for something to be done right that second, employees being complete and utter """"s and added stress of customers also brething down my kneck, after putting my fist through the wall as above I was fine but this is probably not the best way to go about it so how is the best way to deal with that sudden burst of anger (was either the wall or the employee so I chose the cheaper route)

    Any advice would be helpful because I find like others I'm 34 now & that I've got way less chilled out than I used to be.
     
  15. adidan

    adidan Avatar now in stock for xmas 2019

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    Stopping drinking was the biggest help for me.

    Only have a few times a year when I drink now.

    I used to do Tai Chi too, anything like that helps. Even though I don't do it now it still helps.
     
  16. MadGinga

    MadGinga oooh whats this do?

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    TBH, the best advice I can give, is to learn your triggers and to avoid/pre-empt them wherever possible. I.e. if you're at work and people are driving you insane, then try to remove yourself from the situation, dont "rise to the bait", and if you have to respond, wait, go for a walk/have a break/go to the loo, and then do so - nothing like a bit of time to dilute rage.
     
  17. Corky42

    Corky42 Where's walle?

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    The thing i found most helpful is coming to the realisation that what I'm feeling isn't caused, or even related too, other people, that I'd adopted unhelpful thinking habits over the years as a coping strategy.

    E.g.
    [​IMG]
     
    Last edited: 18 Feb 2018
  18. The_Crapman

    The_Crapman Don't phone it's just for fun.

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    Yeh if you feel you're getting wound up or about to explode, go sit on the bog for 5-10 mins. If you have a quick exit out the building or to a secluded/soundproof room or corridor, go have a good scream and let it out that way. Don't scream in the middle of the office though. They tend not to like that. Even if it is at British Gas.
     
  19. Matticus

    Matticus ...

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    Wow this got a lot more of a response than I was expecting. Thanks for all the advice, and probably more importantly the reassurance that it's somewhat normal or at least shared by some of you guys on here.

    What I meant about being too comfortable at work is that I'm comfortable enough that perhaps I let my professional filter slip more than I would do if I started a new job. It's probably more healthy to let it out, but I think if I'm allowed to rage then it creates a feedback loop where I rage more often, maybe, I don't know.

    My mate came round earlier and we had a good moan about life which we haven't had for a while due to life getting in the way etc. As The_Crapman said, I think getting into the habit of venting when appropriate is probably worth doing, though I would worry about being constantly negative to someone as you might bum them out too! :)

    After bringing this up here and to other people I realised a few things that a genuine reasons to be a bit stressed out about, but also that they are temporary and I could probably worry less about them.
     
  20. BentAnat

    BentAnat Software Dev

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    I think most people deal with similar things on some level or another.

    I know I personally came to the conscious decision to not let certain things upset me.
    Idiots on the road, for example:
    I used to get SUPER angry at idiot road users. Somewhere, somehow, I realised that I can control my reaction. Much to my wife's (a shrink) amazement, I nowadays just sigh and say things like "of course you are doing this, you [bleep]ing moron.", but don't get upset about it anymore at all.
    I think a part of it has to do with me being more prepared. I try to see all the options before they happen. I spend a LOT of time inside my head, overthinking things, though. So if something DOES get to me, I normally spend days on end beating myself up about it, which cannot be healthy either.
     

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