Too true and it properly would be me. Move all the stuff back make sure that everyone's got the same amount of space available. leave a note making it clear to ask before moving anything you've got to nip this in the butt now. as many other have already said.
I can't believe what happened to you, I had to post in this thread! I'll bet the majority of this was actually caused by an over zealous parent, or at least I'm hoping so for your sake
One solution... let her read this thread, and any subseqent posts. Honesty is your best friend... even if she takes it badly. All this non-sense "complain to SOMEONE else about SOMEONE else" is just stupid. Be straight forward and honest about her behaviour TO HER and get down to the roots of it.
Hey guys, bit of an update. After taking everyone's advice I felt that Sue's words due on saturday probably won't be enough, and so have decided to write a letter to her: I think it makes the point.... I shall leave this in the house by her door tomorrow, after taking pictures of the state of the place for you guys...!
Maybe she's possessing the body of a video game character from years ago? I don't think I'd argue with Duke Nukem.
Or.... talk to her in person. I cannot emphasise enough the benefits of talking to people face to face, over the genuine problems letters cause. Do as you will, but don't be suprised if she responds terribly.
My opinion is if she has the gall to do all that without even bothering to contact any of us then she certainly doesn't deserve overly kind treatment. Plus it's easier to get one's true thoughts down on paper and in a way where they won't be taken in the wrong way and she won't have the oppurtunity to stop me mid sentence before my point is finished. I don't want to give her a method to argue her point because there is no excuse for her behaviour, end of. Clearly you're hung up about the constant dumping of dirty plates when you were a student, but I would say this is considerably different, and certainly not behaviour that can be excused. Edit: One thing i forgot to mention, completely forgot. When we signed the contracts both girls including the culprit were there. We were waiting for our landlady and somehow in conversation Danny (my present housemate) made a jibe at me calling me French, this is a regular occurence and an inside joke. I replied with no, i'm belgian (which I am). This Louise, which I hadn't really spoken to much, then said "Oh well you must be stupid then. But I'm dutch so I'm probably biased." I half expected her to next say oh I'm joking, or something like that, but dead silence, obviously transpiring that she was being completely serious! Hence why I have no inclination to be anymore friendly than I have to.
I'd say do it face to face, it actually shows you're not afraid of confrontation and won't take any of that sh!t. Writing a letter is kinda wimping out, I had this with someone in the 2nd year, my tactic wasn't quite as subtle as a quiet word, but a quiet word is definitely prefferential to the letter, it would be better if youc ould wait until Danny is back and you could both be there at the same time. Basically you are asking W.T.F is she playing at, moving all your stuff, getting Sue to replace a perfectly good cooker and moving furniture? In fact, ask her the above.
Have it out with her in Flemish/Dutch. As loud as you can. Nothing more Awesome than two people screaming at eachother in such a gutteral language.
With a girl like this the best thing to is have them removed. I have confronted many controlling women. They need to be aware that they can't do this, but you need to be very clever and do it all by the book, but do need to show face to face that you aren't happy. A letter is not good enough unless you can't call or see the person face to face. A girl like this hasn't learnt respect, or boundaries. You may be able to teach her otherwise, or help start this process if you aren't afraid of her, or arent too senitive to peoples reactions. (low self esteem) ( I have battled this and am finally winning) I have learnt the hard way. Not confronting and avoidance is not good for you even though it's not fun. I used to avoid things allot and instead just let the anger build. Certainly don't let her manipulate you in anyway. I have been dealing with this at work and confronting is not fun, but it works and is healthy, right and will help you build confidence. I was led to beleive that taking all the crud was the good thing to do, but it's the wrong thing to do even though I can tell you are a decent person. 1. Tell her the situation and why you aren't pleased. Even make her a list. Don't be all nice about it. Say it plain. Don't mess up your emotions and don't loose the plot either. 2. Give her once chance to admit fault. Make sure you have a witness at all times. 3. When she dosen't. Take the matter to the landlord. 4. Let the Landlord deal with the matter. Tell the landlord that you can't cope with the situation and that it's affecting you and you other mates time in the house, basically asking to have her removed if she doesn't completely comply with the new rules. If none of that works. Tell the girl exactly what her problem is. That she's got serious issues with control, that need sorted if things don't improve and nothing long term happens then just move out. Either way, for your own self you need to learn like I did how to not let people cross your boundaries. You have a right to live happily!!! 5. Oh, and finally if she denies doing anything wrong then, remove her stuff and put it in a bin liner and change the door locks playing her with her own game. If she thinks her way of doing things is ok, maybe with this she'll see sense and wise up! Well maybe not, but I'd be sorely tempted. Don't let this build whatever you do. If could be the ruin of you selfsetem at the worst, or lead to you loosing all your hard work at uni due to the problems, and eventually smashing you good wine over her head! I do hope it works out for you!
This is nothing to do with "controlling women". This is not a gender issue. to do with one student, who happens to be female, having poor boundaries, an egocentric viewpoint and a lack of consideration for others. In short, she's just little Miss Psycho. I blame the parents. A letter can be helpful in organising your own thoughts before you face her, but I'd advise you to talk to her face-to-face. Frankly I don't know what all the dilly-dallying is about. I would have confronted her at day one. As a Dutchman I can tell you that the Dutch are straightforward and blunt, and boundaries need to be enforced at the moment that they are crossed.
I'm not pointing any finger at women. Men have the same problems. If she's taken to moving all your gear with out even consulting you, in my experience this is a person who likes to take charge and control situations they feel are out of control. My own mother has a similar problem and will rage if things aren't the way she likes. I know simply allowing this is not the answer, and is part of the reason I've been through a few controlling relationships. I've come out the other side and have learned the hard way. If I'd had a peice of paper to tell me this a long time ago I'd have had an easier life! For the record I have no problem with women and have no distored view of them, but for that matter I'm not going to claim I can work them out easily!lol
thanks both gar and Nexxo, both your opinions are appreciated. The problem I'm faced with, is it is difficult for me to be in the house when this girl is about, I have work pending down at home in the evenings, and work up there during the day, and my car down here to worry about as well, and on top of that some close family issues, so I can't leave home for a long time at the minute. The upshot is I will not be able to come face to face with her for a good 10 days. I left the house in such a way they she would have known I have been there. The other problem I face is, if I did say something to her, which trust me, I want to do, i would probably get angry, and when faced with anger I often become very irrational, my thoughts become unorganised, and I forget the most important reasons for me talking in the first place, the risk I would be taking by talking to her might allow her to argue her point well enough to shut me up, and i REALLY don't want that to happen. Letter's been written, and i'm leaving it by her door, there is no other way in my eyes at the minute without leaving it so long that it just won't matter to her anymore.
Happy to help if I can Wether though she's better at arguing, or making her point better than you shouldn't be the issue. IF that did happen than you'd know that method dosen't work allowing you to pass on the trouble to someone who has the authority, ie the landlord who hopefully would take the aproptiate action and have her removed for not obeying house rules. Definately you are right the justice for letting her know she's wrong and take it from there. Good for you and fair play for taking action. I hope there's a positive reaction to all this and furthermore I hope I am wrong and she admits she went too far. I hope she takes your letter seriously. I know what you mean about anger. I am learning to conrol mine after all the years of not letting it show! Don't get me wrong. I do feel anger is a useful tool used correctly.
