Rant Sex, drugs, rock'n'roll and chlamydia

She won't learn any lessons I think... it's not like she's 19 anymore, she's 31. She should have the brains by now.

Just got off the phone with her, after one minute and eleven seconds. She got pissed off that I said I considered the option of her having cheated on me. She didn't want to discuss it over the phone, when I asked "when, then?" I got a "when we see eachother or something". Hm.

**** ****ety **** **** ****. And looking back on the time since I've been in England, apart from the first two months I spent all my "social time" with her. I'm one who easily leaves people behind, but I don't seem to be able to do that with her, despite our immense differences and the fact that she does things and has friends which I absolutey loathe... Bah.

I'm generally speaking a miserable pessimist, but this is a new kind of woe. I don't like new things. Goddamnit.

 

Who knew a load of Bit-techers were really drugged up crazies waiting to pounce...

What I'd do is tell her how you feel about everything, and leave. The rest is up to her if she wants to pursue that path.

 

It's time to just walk away from her. You don't ower her anything, and if she's really is the kind of person you say she is, then she's not going to miss you when you're gone.

As for the whole idea of wanting to put her interests first - there's a line between chivalry and stupidity. You've already admitted that what you did was foolish. Take the lesson and move on. Next time, when it comes to sex, drugs, and STIs, your health comes before her pleasure.

-monkey

 

Gave that a go on the phone, but all she says is that she doesn't want to discuss anything over the phone. Ergh.

Yeah, I learned that today

 

Sorry to hear this has happened to you. Some people get some **** happening to them, huh.

You've got to break it off. If she doesn't want to listen to you, then leave a voice mail. Send an email. Condense it into a text. Whatever.
She's hurt you both mentally, and very possibly physically. this is not the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. No matter what people say, people do not change. Drug addicts in particular.

Being with her is doing you no good.

 

Oh come on...there are plenty of people who take pot who are no more unreliable than those who drink alcohol at the weekend. There is a world of difference between some junkie with a monkey and someone who smokes some weed instead of drinking some beer.

 

There is. Love is blind. Lust has Usher's syndrome (blind, deaf, and mentally impaired). We've all been the idiot at times.

All sensible advice has already been given: go to the Sexual Health clinic, and get the range of tests, even the scary one for HIV. There is no male test for Human Papilloma Virus unfortunately (which can occasionally cause genital warts in males), but if you have it, your immune system will kill it off in due time. A period of celibacy may not be a bad idea.

A 31-year old woman who does hard drugs sounds a little bit damaged to me. The keywords here are "self-harming behaviour", and promiscuity can fall into that category. However keep in mind that chlamydia is not about promiscuity --it only takes just the one wrong contact-- so your girlfriend may be right when she suspects to be at risk only because her partner of two years ago turns out to be infected. Only you can judge whether you can trust her on that one.

You may feel worried that a break-up is going to drive her to more drug use, but don't get caught in that trying-to-save-her Rescuer crap; you can't. In her mind, there be dragons, and only she can slay them. She's a responsible adult; you are not her daddy.

 

Not to hijack the thread but having Usher's syndrome does not make you mentally impared!

 

Possibly the most sensible thing I've ever heard in my life. Where were you when I was thirteen-til-nineteen?

 

Celibacy will definately be the rule for a short while... nobody's getting my lucky charms.

Well, my main problem with that is is that she chose to keep having sex with him on a regular basis, after they broke up. And that the guy is apparantly the type to shag everyone without a condom, as he didn't get his chlamydia from "my girlfriend".

She's probably a bit damaged, but she's smart enough to make a decent choice. I'd be willing to accept the pot, but the coke and pills are OTT for me... she gets her pot from a friend who grows it herself. However, none of her friends have coca fields/process coke or pill labs etc. My idea behind it is basically that she knows where the pot's from, how strong it is, etc; but she doesn't know anything about the coke or the pills she takes.

When she went to Glastonbury (she told me afterwards), she met two guys at the bus stop (for the bus to the festival or something). She accepted a pill from them. When she told me, she didn't understand my disappointment and anger.

Ah well.

I really wish I could just tell her to sod off, but everytime I think about it... it's like I want it to work out. But unless the drugs and the friends disappear, that's never going to happen. Ever. I've always been on the good side of the law and sort of pride myself on that, my last job was definately on the good side of the law... I don't want to end up with people like this.

As I said, I like her a lot, but I hate what she chooses to do.

She often said she "can't help it". It's like she has to do drugs. I know she'd cave in to peer pressure in a group of drug users, which is why I think the friends need to go. But that's not going to happen.
As just about everyone said and will say: can't change her, not even a suave dragon slayer like me.

 

Thats why i only stick to Anal Sex.


....ill get me coat

 

Not inevitably, although in a small percentage it does. Bad joke, though. Sorry...

Perhaps I should have said: Love is blind, Lust has OCD.

 

celibacy = win.
I don't like sex culture.
The whole concept of lust makes me feel like John Coffey.


As for the drugs... never done illicit substances - but as for the legal ones... as far as I've found nothing makes you feel better than a natural high. Go for a run at 5am, build something, listen to some good music, have a barbeque and hang out with some old mates in the sunshine, go to bed early.

 

If I've learned one thing in my experience of relationships, it's this.

DROP THE CRAZIES.

Seriously, she's not worth it, she's just causing you more pain. Move on, you'll find someone else. Just be a man, and do it face to face.
Don't worry that you're not going to have anybody if you leave her, you'll be able to find someone who isn't going to **** you about and give you all kinds of crap.

Also, try not to let it bother your idea of sex too much. Don't think about it too much. It's serious, but can be cured. It could have been much worse (most STI's are better than one thing you can get from unprotected sex).
Just be careful next time, make sure you do it with someone you trust.

 

It's weird. I know that I need to drop her, but I feel like I can't. Maybe it's still that whole "girl from my own country, who I met in the UK, who's good-looking and nice and interested in me". I mean, for a guy like me (6ft 4in, shaven head, worked security etc though kind of geeky) that was heaven.

We met at a job I had for six weeks, until I got sacked. 't Was a call centre job, and well... I only got hired because of my languages. This job could not have been more different from anything I had done before. I mean, I used to get paid for telling people to f' off, to run after others, and stuff like that. Then I end up in England in a call centre. Sucks, but pays the bills (though the 'security' attitude stayed, which led to the sackage). Then I got to know her a little bit, and we both liked eachother, and all her wrongs... I couldn't care less, in the same way that she accepted my crap about "pride" and "honour" and "integrity". I don't think I have any of those left after a few months with her.

I really care about her. But she'll be the proverbial death of me. If I had thought a year ago that, a year later, I would be together with a drug-using girl, with drug-using, drug-growing and drug-selling friends, I would've laughed at myself and grabbed a record of some militaristic band to soothe my laughter and think "yeah, I am better than a lot of people because I would never get in that situation".

A few years ago it really hit me that I was as equally pathetic and useless as every other human being, and it hurt.

Now I find myself in a group of people which I absolutely loathe. People that I want to see in prison, people that I would shoot through the head because I consider them a waste of space. But due to my own utter stupidity I'm part of them. And no bookshelf full of Virgil, Ovid, Lipsius, Seneca and the like can change that.

I can get over this, but the thought of remembering this is aweful. I feel like I am forever shamed. I mean, I've made some bad decisions before, but none of them included ditching everything I thought I stood for or believed in. And for a girl?!
Unfortunately, I'm not in the age group to get a heart attack, but I could really do with one now, as emo as thay may sound.

However, in my own defence (more for me than for anyone reading this), I am ready to face this "like a man". There'll be talking. I don't just want to tell her it's over and then leave. I want her to understand why I am so disgusted (if she caught some illness by chance, e.g. a cold, and then I got it through her: fine. But girl > my girlfriend's ex > my girlfriend > me: no...) etcetera.

Earlier, during our two very, very short phone conversations (1min 11sec and 30sec...) she did get angry at me for saying that I considered the notion that she may have had others while we were together. I really hope she's right to be angry, both for me (STI-wise) and her (morally speaking).

I never, ever thought I would find myself here. The worst part being it's my own stupid fault.

 

As much as I agree it is your fault (since in the end we all get to make our own choices (sorta)) you really can't blame yourself that much for it as I've been in a similar situation (not with the STI or druggie friends since I never met them) but with having a druggie g/f and trying to justify the things she does as being "Ok".

In all honesty, whenever she'd talk about one of her drug escapades (pretty much every hour or so) I'd suddenly switch off and just think about something else, ignoring the proverbial elephant in the room (although she might have thought it was just a fly) but when you're in that "i'm pathetic" situation, its easy to give things up (like morals) for something that may seem worth it. Trust me, I went through something similar to that.

This isn't really a time to feel shamed though. Acknowledge the mistake (which you've done), face her like a man like you said, and elevate yourself above the situation since you are obviously the better person and now you really know what those morals stood for (as seeing that you've done the opposite).

I find that hitting rock bottom is the easiest way to get to the top... use it as a jumping platform.

 

You've recognised your wrongs, that's more than any of her friends have done. You're clearly a better man for it.
You've learnt from your mistakes, and that is a hell of a lot better than other people do.

 

Dude regarding dumping her,
Just say "You Know What? I'm F**king Better Than This" and move on.
She is just giving you bad memories, every time you cling on, you are thinking less of her, and by the sounds of it less of yourself.
Drugs wise, it kinda sounds like an escapism for her, but you can't really change someone unless they want to change themselves.

 

Let's weigh up both sides of the story here; it IS better without a condom