Rant Sex, drugs, rock'n'roll and chlamydia

Yea trust me on this one. I was seeing a girl for over 2 years and for the last year or so I felt that way. Eventually after several splits + getting back together I dumped her for good. The first week or so was a bit rough, but after that life really picks up. That was 3 months ago, and I still don't regret doing it, and life has been on the up ever since.

Bascially...do it, you'll feel better bout it in the morning

 

Thing about self-destructive relationships is, they can be complementary and reciprocal. Every self-destructive person seeks out people who are damaging them and people who are trying to rescue them (usually both at once, sometimes both in the same person). The damaging aspect is frequently reciprocal: let's me damage you, let's you damage me, let's damage each other and ourselves together... A lot of abusive relationships work that way.

If you feel it is difficult to ditch the girl while you know you should, you need to consider your contribution to this relationship. Are you trying to rescue her ("She needs me...")? Are you seeking to damage yourself in some way by staying with her ("She's all I deserve...")? Are you damaging her if you stay with her, in that you facilitate her self-damaging behaviours ("He is still with me, so what I'm doing can't be such a big problem")?

Tricky questions, I know, but ones worth asking. Or to put all this psychology in ozstrike's much more eloquent words:

 

I concur. Dont worry about her hurting herself because of it. If shes crazy enough to do that then she'd have done it anyway.

I ended a relationship with a crazy a while ago and I have to admit it was ****ed up. Its the first time I've ended a relationship not speaking to the other person, but it had to be done because in the end, being what she wanted was turning me into someone I hated. In all that time the thing I've regretted mostis that I'm not getting laid anymore, but its not so much of a loss considering she was pretty awful in bed. We were having sex frequently for over a year and she never worked herself up to do it in anything except missionary. Never gave blowjobs either.

 

Call me a sociopath, but who gives a **** about the girl? She could have hurt you. Ditch her and move on (you can probably get some good sympathy sex from a clean friend of hers....) and she'll be lucky you don't make revenge more formal.

 

Well, if you want someone who's decent in the sack I can recommend "my girlfriend". Invest in rubbers, though.

Combination of all of 'em, I guess.

Ah well. She still doesn't want to talk on the phone, can't send proper texts thanks to Orange, so I'll have to wait to talk to her. Tonight she's off to two friends of hers. Pillpoppers. Le sigh.

Either way, we'll see. It would be less bad if I had a job, to be honest. It's just that now all this excrement seems to pile up and I've got no shovel. And I don't really want to use my hands.

 

marigolds?

 

Don't be too clingy m8y, number one thing that girls hate is a guy who clings on and isn't his own person.
Just go keep your mind off it, go out with some mates and don't speak to her, she will call you.

 

I don't think I've been too clingy, just trying to get a decent conversation with her after she got quite upset with me because I considered the option that she may have slept with others while we were together. She seems very disappointed and hurt about it, in a way that kind of says "you think I do bad stuff, but when I act good you don't believe me". Sorry for the crappy explanation.
The bad stuff would be drugs and sleeping with her ex after the relationship ended; good stuff would be fidelity...

I guess she'd only ever see the danger of what she does/did when she actually gets HIV or something. A chlamydia scare seems nothing to her, despite the fact that it's a disgusting thing - you can get a cold from someone, but an STI is a lot worse in my opinion. And a whole lot more disgusting.

I still can't bring myself to accept that I need to get rid of her. All I see when I think about her are the memories of when I first saw her, the small and stupid conversation we had that day, me in my stupid tie. I miss that day.

 

Holding onto memories will just make you have bad experiences now.
Every day you will grow to resent her more and more, and just make it worse for yourself.
Leave now and keep your memories as a good thing, not a bad thing.

 

When you met, you were sort of in a similar place. You were good for each other and had good times together. You've developed and moved on, she hasn't. You may not be good for each other anymore. Stuff like that happens.

Perhaps if she wants to keep the relationship, she'll change too. Perhaps she won't. The magic doesn't always last.

 

They are at GUM clinics

Sorry to hear about the STI man, go to the GUM clinic and get yourself sorted. I'm pretty sure the tests are free...

 

I'm not surprised it's not working - You clearly have zero respect for the girl. You hate all her friends, you can't accept the choices she's made in her life (even if they're 'wrong'), you call her a 'druggie' and assume that since she's been to a festival, she's been sleeping around.

btw, Chlamydia isn't just something that drug-users and prostitutes get. The figures are about 1 in 9, and rising.

I hate to break it to you, but it's not just about pissing in a cup. Swabs, little swabs, that look like umbrellas and go in the place you least want them. Still, it's got to be done, so just go and get it over with. It's free, of course. And Chlamydia for a guy isn't that bad. If you want, the cure can be a single pill (or a week's course).

 

I thought the umbrella test was a myth or at least isn't used anymore?

 

It's a myth. It is a metal swab however, and it does scrape internally. But it doesn't pop-out.

I don't think it does, I wasn't exactly looking at it at that point in time.

 

I hate her friends because they are either drug dealers or users; I can accept the choices she has made in the past but I think that by now she has had enough crap to realise what those choices (mainly, drugs) do to her; and I don't "assume" she's been sleeping around, I just considered the notion because of her "sexual moral" (or lack thereof). She has had unprotected sex with a lot of people (including me - my fault), one of which was her ex. When their relationship ended, the sex didn't?! To me that's odd, but if she wants to that's her choice. But, in my mind all those little things of course add up to, well, panic and mistrust.
I also considered that notion because of the drug use - if she's totally out of her mind on cocaine or pills, with other people who are on the same stuff, keeping above-mentioned moral standards in mind, what's there to say she will be able to resist the temptation? We all know what it's like to be drunk, and though I have no experience with taking drugs myself, I have seen enough when employed in security to assume that being on coke or pills is even worse than drinking when it comes to making decisions.

But, I'm afraid she doesn't make choices like that because she wants to, to me it seems that it's more of a lack of self-respect. Maybe even a search for being liked/accepted/loved if she gets on her back.
Granted, in my anger and disappointment I may have been rude in some of my earlier posts, but at the end of the day the only reason I feel like this because I don't want to see her ruin herself.

She's probably coming over tomorrow, I really hope so so I can finally tell her why I feel this and that way about her and what she does. I know it won't matter but I want her to realise that I do care about her and that despite earlier things she regrets she is still a good person.
She seems to think that because of decisions she made and things she's done in the past, now she's not worth a lot. But then, some times, she talks about moving up at work, doing this and that, etc; not something you'd expect from someone who thinks she's worthless. So I still carry some hope that deep inside she has a small spot filled with self-belief, and I hope to get that out.

If she still decides to carry on with the coke, the pills, the drug parties, ... her choice. But then it won't be with me. Although I do realise that the last sentence comes from my hopeful fantasy that she will actually ditch that stuff. Hm.

 

I hate to break it to you but if she does decide to ditch it, which is unlikely, then its going to be even worse for you. Trust me. You'll spend every minute wondering about if shes doing it behind your back and she'll spend every minute either doing it or being tortured from addiction to coke until she eventually gives in or breaks free. Even then your worrying won't stop.

It's possible to get a relationship on the other side, but the in between times of withdrawl and addiction breaking are too hard and isn't something to be entered into unless you are absolutely sure you want to get serious with this girl. You'll be stuck with too much guilt if you want to leave her and you'll still not be able to trust here. It's what happens.

 

100% Agree with what CardJoe says, took me about 3 years to get over my "Girls can't be trusted" thing. But now I'm fine.

It's a lesson that has to be learnt the hard way

 

She aint worth it!
Simple. Get rid of her.

I went out with a girl about 5 years ago, my first proper sexual relationship, she was nice, a year younger than me, fairly good looker, but after 5months I found out she liked to smoke weed, that put me right off her. I broke it off with her for that reason, she went mental when I told why I was ending it, but she didn't offer to give up smoking weed?! It must of meant more to her than I did, so I felt fine with the decision.

Mate turst us all, you'll feel far better for it.
Regards
GiGo

 

The drugs alarmism in this thread is both hilarious and amazing.

 

In my experience when someones on the stuff, it's very hard to get them back off of it again.