Just wanted to say thank you to the community before I go. I had Cancer in my eye when I was a small child and between the radiation and the chemo, it seriously screwed me up. The radiation didn't allow the bones in my skull to grow properly and a face is not exactly something you can hide. People are cruel when you don't have a pretty face. This place made me happy. I could talk to people without being judged on my appearance. It was fun to be part of a community that shared a common passion. I'll be around for a couple more weeks, but I need to get this done before winter sets in and depression consumes me. I'm not sure what the nature of the universe is, but death seems like the next step, or more likely, a return to being star dust, minus the suffering. Again. Thank you all.
Mate, I’ve been in some holes in my life I thought I’d never come out of. I might not be able to empathise with your personal situation. But I’m more than happy to talk and it sounds as if you need an ear. Please don’t do anything impulsive, reach out, seek some support. I’m more than happy to talk to you! Reach out please. This isn’t the way.
What changed? The community is still here, man. Talk. We'll listen. I'm not saying we have all the answers, but talking it out can help.
Dude, this is serious and you're talking about sex? I'm also happy to listen. I've been here, it's not a nice place to be. Reach out to someone.
I tried. Being socially isolated my whole life miswired my brain, such that I'm incredibly uneasy around people, often to the point of what I think could be best described as the fight or flight response. I started talking to my family about this a year ago and even explaining the problem to people I trust was excruciating. The medical system is the ultimate source of my suffering, which made them the absolute last place I wanted to go - a perfect catch 22. I went nearly 20 years without a doctors visit and when I finally did go, they were mostly dismissive of me. The doctor in the ER wanted me to do therapy before even trying an antidepressant, but did end up allowing me to try a SSRI on the condition that I get a regular family doctor. The SSRIs didn't help and when I did get in to see a family doctor, the guy was a complete ass and didn't even want to talk about mental health.
I've been depressed for 30 years, but kept hoping things would get better. Fear of death and not wanting to hurt my family kept me going for a long time, but the mental pain has become too much.
33 years ago I was where you are now but, I was found before it was too late and rushed off to hospital, so I know what it’s like to be feeling that way. Send me a message if you want to talk.
Mate, please reach out and get some help. There's professions out there who can help, it's not always medication - talking therapies can also work extraordinarily well for some people. First stop is either call a helpline and/or your GP. Please get help mate, we're all about for you as with anybody else on here that's having difficulties.
It's a little over a year since I first thought about harming myself. I was scraping the dead skin off my heels after a shower and I thought about stabbing myself in the leg. Things escalated from there to sitting on my bathroom floor with enough painkillers to kill an elephant trying to decide which bottle of whiskey to down with the pills and which to savour afterwards. A lot can change in a year. Counselling helped me a lot, far more than I thought it would, as did talking to people here. Please try and get help.
Not sure what to say here. I usually fluff it up. I felt like you for a long time. However, with the correct help I got through it and I am glad I did. The best people I have witnessed thus far (aside from the trust I now live with) is MIND. They were amazing. Incredible, even. I usually hate speaking to people when I feel like you do now but the Samaritans were amazing. You only get one go on earth I reckon. Please don't waste it.
I wish that was a possibility. The stress has started to manifest in physical illness and is getting worse every day. I was vomiting and dry heaving continuously for nearly 5 days the first time I went to the ER mental health clinic last winter. The amount of pain the medical system caused me as a child makes my brain interpret doctors as a threat. On a conscious level I'm also angry. I requested my medical files and it appears they just threw the kitchen sink at me and gave no weight to the long term psychological effects. About a third of the way through the radiotherapy treatment the tumor was no longer visible on the CT scan, but they just kept going and put me through the full 10 months of chemo. To give everyone an idea of the result, if I'm wearing cycling glasses, I can fit a good chunk of my hand behind the glasses on the effected side, with the other tight to my face. The radiation also largely destroyed my optic nerve and what little sight I did have has degraded in the last ~7 years to maybe the equivalent of 10x10 pixels. It's just too much for one person to take.
Yep. As I said, I'll be around for a few weeks yet to tie up loose ends. I have far too much stuff to do, in order to leave things in a good way, but at least my parents are out of town for a couple weeks, so I can cart stuff off to the bin without them having to watch. Only down side is I have other family constantly calling or dropping in to check on me. Guys, this is nothing to be sad or worried about. Every life ends, mine just got extended for a few decades due to the arrogance of man. The fact that I made it as far as I did, should be considered a testament to what a great place bit-tech was and continues to be.
Nah, dude, stick around. Chat to those above who've offered to. I went through a rough period a few years ago and also had some counselling (not going to pretend that it was as hard as some folk have gone through on here) but things did eventually pick up again. I think the secret was to genuinely stop giving a f!ck about what others thought. The things you enjoy doing aren't judging you. Carry on doing them!
I know someone was just trying to help, but I didn't appreciate the cops banging on my door at 5am. It's really kind of a shame that as a society we've made it basically impossible to discuss these issues in the open. If someone has had a sudden life upset, then yes, they need immediate intervention. I fear that in most other cases we might just be forcing people that otherwise could have been helped to bottle everything up until they snap. Neither of those are my situation - I'm just a person that got delt a shitty hand in life and have decided to deal with it like an adult.
With all due respect here what did you expect? You said this place kept you going. That means you found happiness here, support, and love. And you weren't judged. So what the heck did you expect when you posted what you did? People to say "Oh bye then dude"? You got the same care, love and respect you always got. Because someone gave a ****. And cared. I know you feel like utter shite. I do. Trust me I do. I have been there hundreds of times in the past myself. However, you can not post something like that expecting 99% of people to understand it, because they just won't. Their brain is not wired that way. You are also putting a big stress on someone who cares about others. No one here will want you to do it. Trust me on that too. You are going to have to be alone on that.
Yeah, I knew the risks, just hoped by explaining that things were still a few weeks out, nobody would panic. I've heard so many people say their loved ones never said anything and then were just gone one day. Maybe hearing me talk about mental health will help someone else with closure. If I'd said nothing, I'd just be another person who stopped posting. As a side note, this came up in a DM, but just to assure everyone else: I have no dependents. The chemo treatment alone probably rendered me infertile, but genetic predispositions to Cancer have been identified on both sides of my family, so kids were never an option.
It’s like I said mate you are in a place hardly anyone can, or will, understand. When I first started to feel that way I would openly talk about it. Which over a decade I learned would just push them away. Not because they didn’t care, but because if they cared too much it would have destroyed them also. So I’d give people the best of me, and when I felt crap I’d just vanish for a while. But like I said to you no one will want you to do it. No one. It will impact every one and it will destroy your family. I know that when in that place you don’t think about any of that, but it was what kept me here. My dad died when I was 7. I got hit by a car and crippled for a year when I was 8. My mum has lost her husband, her parents and her baby brother to cancer. I could not put her through anything else. Im glad I stuck around. Now, saying that now. It’s been tough beyond tough. But I came out the end of it. Like I said, no one will want you to do this but you. And it will mess up everyone who knows you. Please take my word for that because I’ve now been through it three times.
Yeah, some of the people I've told outside of the immediate family are ones in the best position to be able to help my mother through it. I've given everyone basically a year to process it and tried to seek help in the meantime, but now it's time to yank the band-aid off. I just wish people could have applied the same logic to me 30 years ago. If allowed to die then, my mother could have been able to just write it off as 'god's plan' or some other nonsense and moved on. Instead, I got 30 years of suffering and now am right back in the same situation, just my mother now has to accept that it's my choice, and god, as in perpetuity, is nowhere to be found.
