Discussion in 'General' started by DeadP1xels, 11 Jan 2011.
Sounds like she's having the same thoughts and problems/frustations as you.
I wish bro!
I just can't tell she seemed off today... just not right whether she notices me taking intrest in her more i have no idea
I've never felt so frustrated over something in my life like its a cafe i work in right... in a supermarket its one of the busiest cafes in devon and these 4 hot girls come in and i bring them there food they just started flirting with me out of nowhere but i really could'nt give a **** because they had absolutely no personality whats so ****ing ever.... normally ii would have been like **** yeh who gives a **** this makes work more intresting....
If i new whats up with her whether its just something at home or maybe its me i have no idea but its just so hard to do anything at the moment...
2 weeks time i have a shift saturday and sunday with her... its a long time to wait and i'll probebly pop in ther before to "check my hours..." i must know this weeks shift off by ****ing heart and thats the next time i will see her
Question, is she still catching your eye and smiling?
She could be as confused by your behaviour, waiting for you to say something, which you don't. It is possible you know.
Something could have happened to a friend/family that's making her not quite her usual self.
She could even have dumped the boyfriend (if she had one) in anticipation of you showing more interest.
The problem is you just don't know so you have to decide to do something soon (before it becomes a lost opportunity) or look elsewhere.
P1xels, as someone who is dealing with a similar situation, let me say something to you. Take this how ever you will, but I wanted to share my insights with you.
Don't make it seem like you are desperate to try and get with her. Act normal around her, don't try to force anything. The girl that I like and I am really good friends. so I have to try and not seem like I want to date her at all times. I joke around with her and will occasionally flirt a little bit, but nothing that would come across as anything but friendly playing around. Trust me on this. Don't make her think you are trying to pressure her into anything. If she feels you are pressuring her, you are only going to drive her away.
I read in your first post that you have some things in common. Instead of the awkward silences throughout the day, why not talk to her about some of your shared interests and let the conversation develop from there. Maybe she likes a certain TV show that you also like. Start up a chat with her about it, get into a talk with her about it and maybe say something like "Well hey do you maybe want to come over and watch *insert TV show here* sometime? It seems like you like it as much as I do, we could pop some popcorn and see what happens to *insert character name* next week. He/she is always doing something ridiculous." This is something that does not seem intimidating in anyway. If she says yes, you spend time with her outside of work and have some fun, and who knows what might happen. If she says no, don't take it as anything other then that. Just a no. I asked the girl I like if she wanted to watch a movie a few times and while I got some "No thanks" answers, I also got some "Sure! I'll bring over the chips and something to drink." responses as well. It's about how you ask her. Don't act too nervous. Just be yourself. Be confident in your question and feel confident about it. If you go to ask her and mumble and stutter, she will not feel that you are confident and will probably say no because of the tone and how you act when you ask her.
Now I wouldn't actually use the exact line that I provided above because it's not the best, but you get a general idea about what I am saying.Something along those lines that shows her that you want to spend time with her, but doesn't come across in anyway that might seem threatening to her.
I will give you a little background on my situation so you can see where I am coming from.
At my job she (we'll call her, Samantha, which is not her real name BTW) started working there about 15 months ago. When Samantha first started we didn't talk much except that I was her teamlead and only when she had a question about something. As the months went by Samantha and I actually realized we know a lot of the same people and have a lot in common. We would talk about all kinds of random dumb things. In fact, we actually worked the same schedule together for 9 months. Even though Samantha had a boyfriend at the time, I was starting to develop feelings for her, feelings that at the time I never thought would be anything other then a little crush.
We were always together at work. Talking, listening to music etc. We even sat and over the course of a few months watched the first 10 seasons of Law and Order: SVU. We hung out occasionally outside of work going to bars to get a drink after work and what not. Samantha is someone that I would consider my best friend at this point. I've talked to her about things that I wouldn't even talk about to my family. Personal things that most would have a hard time talking about to someone who they weren't in a relationship with. That is how close Samantha and I are. We talk to each other about everything.
So after a year or so working together, Samantha breaks up with her boyfriend. Over the course of this year my feelings from her had gone from a simple crush to developing into something I have never felt for a girl. Ever. I was beginning to fall in love with her. The problem was is that I didn't want to be all "Hey let's date!" immediately after she broke up with her boyfriend as they were together for a year. Seemed too soon and I respect her too much to do something like that. Although I am now in a different department, we still get together every Sunday and have lunch together and also hang out a few nights of the week as well. Some people think we are actually dating, but that isn't the case.
She has never once put down any hint at all if she has any feelings towards me other then the fact we are best friends. It kills me talking to her about some of the dates she has been on and some of the guys that are trying to get with her, only to sit there and not be able to tell her how I feel about her.
The friendship I have developed with her is great and I never want to lose that. The problem is I would call her the perfect girl for me. It is ridiculous how much we have in common and how well we get along. I just wish that somehow, I could find out if she does indeed have any possible romantic feelings about me. If she does, I would ask her out in a heart beat. I just don't want to do something like that, only to learn that she does not, and then complete ruin our friendship and lose her forever.
So as you can see, I've can def. see where you are coming from sir. I would love to take her out sometime and treat her like a woman and not just try and get into her pants like a few people have tried. Unfortunately all I can do is be there for her when she needs me and who knows, maybe one day I'll catch the hint and we'll start dating.
I hope that helps you understand where I am coming from, and I did not mean to hi-jack your thread in anyway. I just wanted you to see what I am dealing with and let you know that I know it sucks. I hope things work out well for you man. I know that if you like someone and they either don't like you back in the same way or you can't tell, it is absolutely agonizing.
Hang in there buddy. You've got a friend in the states who's feeling your pain
It's only a minor setback, don't worry about it.
The most likely explanation is that she was picking up on your nervousness. Humans communicate in subtle ways, often not even verbally but through body language. Things always flow different than expected when you're nervous. Anyways, there are millions of explanations, but no reason to assume anything sinister.
Ok, now...I'm just seeing here in the Topic Review box below where I am typing, the sentence "its a cafe i work in". Is this a different job you have or do you in fact work in a café with this girl you like? If so...well that makes things easy. Just pop in during her break, buy her a coffee and have a chat. You don't need an excuse to visit the café you work in. It's in a supermarket you say. Go on in and meet your girl and say, "hey, I just came in to do a little shopping, how about a coffee (and cheesecake of course, if they don't sell it in the café get it in the supermarket)". To make it more plausible you could come in like 30 minutes before her break and say, "hey, when is your break. We could grab a coffee". She'll respond "cool, I have a break in 30 minutes". Then you reply, "great, I'll just do some quick shopping and meet you then".
Anyways, you'll find a way, just don't give up and I reckon you've got a good shot.
Good luck man
At one of those awkward silences, you could have mentioned what you want to do after work, and tell her to come along.
When you saw her at the table with 2 other girls, that was a great time to banter with all of them. It would have been fun, and improve your relationship with all of them.
If you just continue to be mr shy guy like that, and take your sweet time, you might end up talking to her about her new boyfriend, especially if this girl is pretty... then it's not like she's got a reason to be desperately waiting for you!
You speak truths. I have had this happen to me on more then one occasion.
Couple of thoughts, which, now that I think about it, are related to eachother...
1. You can't succeed until you're ready to accept the consequences of failure. Right now, you're letting the possibility of failing keep you from trying and for SURE that isn't going to get you there. OK, what does failure look like? She says no? She says "I have a boyfriend"? These are not the end of the world, which leads me to...
2. You're giving her the power to hurt you. You've gotten yourself so wrapped around the axle on this that the consequences of failure are a big deal. By becoming so invested in this person you've given her the power to hurt you and now you've become afraid of being hurt. You can take back that power. You can decide that it's OK if she says no, and that it's going to be wonderful if she says yes.
The only things we regret in life are the things we don't do. We don't regret the things we tried and failed at, certainly not the things we succeeded at, but the things we never tried. The challenge for you is to take back control over how you feel about it to be OK with whatever happens.
You can do it
Seems like you've got in alot more tough seems you're wedged in friendsville but its awesome you have such a good relationship maybe one day you might have the confidence to tell her
Its not the kind of cafe where you can stop or have a drink which is ****
but i do see where your coming from i could plan it to be in the canteen when shes on her break... but that would take some seriously sneaky stuff (not the same breaks everyday) and you can only see the planner that day!
So that would mean coming in the morning to check the planner then coming back probebly hours before my shift to sit with her it might work but it might seem a bit odd at 3pm for example when she asks me "Oh so you on your break" "Well not really... i start a 6"
The other 2 girls where old and bitches
Its not really my thing sitting on a table with people i don't know at all..
But i know i have to act fast
Its more not making a fool of myself than being shot down which is sorta the same thing
I have to work with this girl and i would'nt want to be on a long awkward shift with her if she said no or tryed to get out of it by saying she had a boyfriend or something that would be pretty horrible
I need to find an occasion where i can just sit down with her and chat casual, its really difficult to ask personal questions while taking people food and all the bull
Dude, don't get friendzoned. Better to get rejected and crushed by a girl you don't know than a girl who you end up getting to know really well.
If you think your fear of failure is crippling now, you really don't want to see how bad it gets after you wait a bit and really get to know this dame.
TL;DR, 7 pages, my grandmom and my sister have all said the same thing - act fast.
Perfect, never ask a question that can be replied with a one word answer!
It sounds like you already have enough to act if your both getting on, you should have done something by now.
Be assertive... many women respond to this... they like men who are confident and take charge. The silences when you are working together are probably because she's NEVER going to ask you... it's just one of the rules of the game.
Oh and while she sounds nice and all, don't think that if she's interested she won't have imagined what you'll be like in 'certain situations'... when I started dating my second (and current / final) wife I nearly blew it by being far too much of a gentleman (I mean I still do all the opening doors, flowers and sh*t to this day) but when we were making out I was being far too careful not to put my hands in the wrong places... whereas it turned out that after a while she was willing me to put my hands in ALL the wrong places and started thinking I didn't fancy her that much... so I stopped being quite so polite at that point... and am now punching WAY above my weight
And remember... assertive is not cocky or arrogant... it's positive and a calm confidence... it's not easy, but say what you mean and mean what you say and as Mankz so eloquently said "grow a pair"...
Oh and buy a safe
Safe = Sure fire win!
Also, don't be afraid to take the time out, 'Absence makes the heart grow fonder' etc. if you're not working with her for another two weeks, don't pop in to check your hours 2 days after you last saw her, let her have a bit of time to think 'hey where's pixel today' then when she sees you again, its less likely she's gonna have nothing to say and you won't end up with so much silence. Just a thought.
P1xels - You are correct sir. I don't want to ruin what I have with her, but at the same time I would love to take her out. You are double correct on the confidence thing. It is hard to get the courage to tell someone how you feel about them. Granted I talk to her about everything, this is the only thing that is actually difficult to do.
There's absolutely no need to get all serious and talk to a girl about how you feel about her, before you're even started dating!
That would just put totally uneccessary pressure on everyone, as it makes asking the girl out become some sort of important romantic event, and kills any mystery on how you feel about her!
It's attractive to be the cool, calm, fun guy, not mr sensitive that wears his heart on his sleeve. Keeps everything casual and fun, including flirting < without any flirting or teasing, you'd just be mr nice and sensitive guy.
Ok heres a bit of a downer
She might have a boyfriend....
I was out on a very late christmas meal (because of the snow and all) and i heard her name mentioned i was literally opposite the people speaking so heres what they said
"Oh theres some friction between ______ and _______"
The guy in this situation is a complete bellend and as someone said after
"Oh has'nt he been through all the girls in morrisons?"
I new who he was as soon as they said it i'd seen them just speaking but i never expected them to be possibly together (Nobody actually said they where going out) but whats strange is he is like 24 when she is 18..... maybe im the only one who thinks that, he prefers to go out get drunk and party were she stays in most nights....
He is almost 7ft tall were she is 5,8 (roughly) im not sure if there just good mates but when i saw them the other day they did'nt say a word to each other this could have been the friction but even before that they barely speak.... but this was from middle aged woman that just assume things so they could be wrong either way massively dissapointing
Guess i just go back to being the nice guy until he ****s things up and they break up (if they are going out) its bound to happen he is just one of those dudes that does'nt care about anything or anyone, not even a girlfriend
A young chick who likes older guys is... not unheard of. I'd even go as far as to say it's as normal as it gets. How old are you?
As has been said a dozen times, just chill mate. If you're going to keep worrying just back away for now untill you can drop this mindset.
no. don't wait. grow a pair and ask her out/tell her you like her.
Jesus, just ask her dude. 7 pages is far too long. The longer you wait the more nervous you'll get and less likely to do it.
The worst thing the girl will do is say "no".. the rejection hurts more the longer you leave it.
Grow some and get it over with.
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